my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
