I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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