ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
