yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
