Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
