Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
