We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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