these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
