OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
