Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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