then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
