hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
