I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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