So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Everyone says I win the strip club
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
