you guys were way drunker than both of me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
