all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Found the puke drawer
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
