saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
4 words: hood of his car
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
