when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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