so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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