She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
