I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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