THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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