I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
