Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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