can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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