Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
