hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
