4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
