Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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