Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
