ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
