It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
