Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
