Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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