i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
