yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
