please come you make the beer taste better
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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