he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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