you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
