i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
