apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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