If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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