My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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