your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Pooping to opera.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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