Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
