so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
