hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
