i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
