They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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