a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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