I think my vagina is haunted
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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