I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
