i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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